If something has happened to you, you may not even have found the words yet. Talking about this stuff is not easy, particularly when we’re high and horny. Sex and Consent | A Three Flying Piglets film for MEN R US | 12 June 2018 Or that we may be committing a crime ourselves. Holding up a mirror to our sex lives can be difficult for many reasons, and for many gay men, it’s hard to believe that we may be the victim of sexual assault or rape. Words like ‘consent’, ‘sexual assault’ and ‘rape’ may be new in that it has only been recently that they are being talked about more openly. This must be clearly established between two (or more) people before any kind of sexual act or behaviour, and you can change your mind at any time. Sexual consent is about having the ability and freedom to agree to sexual activity. This can be particularly true in relation to chemsex. However, some of the choices made during sex can have serious consequences, causing lasting harm.
Great sex should be about connection, intimacy, affirmation, and fun, as much as it is about being safer. We Know What You’re Thinking | Three Flying Piglets for MEN R US | 2017 | 1m 01s Let’s Talk About Sex | Crash Course Psychology #27 | | 11m 35s List of 237 reasons why people said why they have sex which comes from a University of Texas study published August 2007 What Happens To Your Brain When You Are Turned On? | The Infographics Show | | 10m 21 s Archives of Sexual Behavior: Why Humans Have Sex Cindy M. Others, again, prefer a level of emotional bonding before having sex. For example, some men are ready and willing to be intimate with other men while others can be physically intimate without making or experiencing emotional connections. Whatever the reasons (and we’re hoping they’re ‘good’ ones) spare a thought for whether you are ready emotionally and physically. “I’ll never get an opportunity like this again.” “I desired intimacy and emotional closeness.” “I wanted to show affection and express my love.” While the MEN R US team don’t have a monopoly on why we have sex, here are some reasons we came up with over tea and biccies. Conversely, we should bear in mind some men can become understandably nervous if they recognise something from a negative sexual experience – they don’t want to go there again, and the associated memory is warning them accordingly. Throughout our sexual lifetime, we accumulate a fantastic library of memories and triggers that guide us to new and (hopefully) satisfying experiences – even if it’s a different man, in a different place, months or years later. We have positive memories from past sexual experiences, which often inform our sexual futureįor example, if you’ve had great sex with a guy with a particular build, body scent, haircut, uniform or clothing style, it can be surprising how often we will make a bee-line for that ‘type’ of man again.Sex Worker Advocacy and Resistance Movement (SWARM)įeeling horny, and wanting and needing sex, varies from person to person, but several factors are usually in play: These struggles aren’t appreciated enough by members of our own community, and this is something we as gay men need to change.Top and bottom, active and passive, pitcher and catcher
I’d like to make it clear that feminine traits are in no way a negative thing, but some gay men do enjoy celebrating their masculinity and this perceived femininity can be seen as a negative thing.ĭespite these trials and tribulations, it’s perfectly possible for a bottom to enjoy anal sex – but that’s not the point. The assumption by society at large is that a submissive sexual partner is somehow inferior or is often associated with femininity, and this can be quite damaging to the self-esteem of a bottom. There’s also stigma associated with being a bottom. Those who identify as the top should therefore be more patient and considerate with their partner, which isn’t always the case. It should come as no surprise to anyone that anal sex can be very painful at times, and it can take a lot of getting used to before it becomes a fully satisfying sexual experience.